User talk:Eyeless Jack
EyelessJackFan24 (talk) 11:29, June 10, 2013 (UTC) Welcome Hello, and welcome . Please be sure to sign all posts with The Sig button or the tidles ~ ~ ~ ~ 13:03, October 31, 2013 (UTC)) Eyeless Jack Shuddup and Take Mah MONEYZ 16:55, October 15, 2013 (UTC) hey there Bloodlovechan (talk) 12:47, September 26, 2013 (UTC) Hello. I think you deserve a kidney. you awesome jack! :) T 3xic (talk) 00:54, October 17, 2013 (UTC)Hey person sup? I thought you loved me? WHYYY am I not on your 'luvvr' list?!?! This needs to be fixed, immediately. Lil' Miss Rarity]] [w:c:devOpen Source[]] (talk) 19:52, February 18, 2014 (UTC) LUVVR! I missed you Jack!!Dementedlove (talk) 17:25, January 17, 2015 (UTC) let me know if you get this message, i want to talk to you about some things thats all i will say for now. Illusions And Fear (talk) 19:07, July 22, 2015 (UTC) LUVVR!!! tis been awhile. how're u? (Sorry i don't get on much, i'm kinda being strictlly monitered at the moment and just found the time to get on)Dementedlove (talk) 17:49, July 23, 2015 (UTC) If you are still around I would like to know if you know the whereabouts of an Eyeless Jane. 骑士盔甲 19:34, September 23, 2015 (UTC) ULTIMATE LUVRRR IS BACK! HEYO LUVRR! HOWRE U??? Dementedlove (talk) 20:02, November 23, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story I am no longer an admin so I can't look up that info. If you provide me a copy, I can look into it and give you feedback, but it was likely deleted for not meeting quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:43, October 6, 2016 (UTC) SKEL kindly sent me a copy so here is my reasoning for deleting your story. It was deleted for not meeting quality standards. Punctuation issues: You tend to forget to properly punctuate dialogue/thoughts. ""TRAP(!/,)" I thought", ""Classic trick(,)" I thought.", etc. You also use periods in dialogue when it should be commas. ""Well, this was a waste of time.(should be a comma) I said", ""Woah, woah, woah. You said that if I got through the fun-house, it was mine.(,)" I replied." etc. Punctuation left outside of quotations: ""Finish the fun-house, Josh the Harlequin, and be granted master status".", "The booming voice stated, "5 minutes flat, nicely done".", "Wasn't trying to impress, and it wasn't that hard" I replied. "You are a cocky, young, and yet spirited harlequin, we respect that, which is why we have one more test.".etc. Capitalization issues: "I Army crawled under laughing gas", "The booming voice stated, "5 (Five) minutes flat, nicely done".", ""Very well then(,)" The (the) voice said.", "So what I want you to do, is test our new trick on our friend here.(,)" The (the) voice said.", ""This man needs to give something back to the community, and we chose him.(,)" Replied (replied) the voice", "not administered through mouth. he pleaded much, as if in pain", etc. Wording issues: "staring at the man who's (whose) eyes were gleaming with tears", "Inject the syrum, preform (perform) a few tests, then be done with it.", "It was only until years later that I found traces of the syrum in drugs and cruel and unusual punishment deaths.", etc. There are other instances of awkward warning but I should be moving onto the story issues as those can be easily corrected, but the problems with the plot ended up tipping the scale. Story issues: Starting with the basics, you shouldn't have dialogue from two separate speakers on the same paragraph: "Wasn't trying to impress, and it wasn't that hard" I replied. "You are a cocky, young, and yet spirited harlequin, we respect that, which is why we have one more test.".(un-necessary period)" This format is common in all forms of literature as it makes it easy to understand who's saying what and how they're saying it. It also improves the story's flow. Story issues cont.: "The title of "Harlequin" was given to me back in 5th grade when I became the best prankster in my school." First things first, a harlequin is typically given in reference to a mute pantomime character. I'm not quite sure who the other students would be familiar with the term or why they would give it to the protagonist instead of other more common terms like "class clown", "jokester", "prankster", etc. Story issues cont.: Opening a paragraph early in the story with this: "A Harlequin's whisper, can make one's thoughts turn sinister, and turn their backs on friends forevermore." and "The legion of the Harlequin was dark and mysterious, and I was unaware of what awaited me." feels like you're referencing something the audience isn't aware of in a manner that suggests you already told them earlier. Since you've only established that the protagonist is a prankster up to this point, it feels out-of-place to include all this information before the invitation. Story issues cont.: Speaking of not really explaining things, it seems like you really need to establish the world the audience's in. As lines like: "A robotic throwing arm. "Model 217 eh?" I said." really tend to explain that the protagonist is well-versed in this world, but this later: "It was revealed to me at an even later time that a Master Harlequin society didn't even exist, let alone a higher up..." seems to suggest something entirely different. If Jack is able to identify pie-throwing models and has been studying his entire life to become this job/class, how is he not aware that this society doesn't exist? Story issues cont.: "I stood dumbfounded for what seemed like forever, and then sat down on the floor, staring at the man who's eyes were gleaming with tears. I knew not what to say. It seemed like a simple prank. Harmless." How exactly does injecting this substance into a man seem like a prank? He's restrained, crying, pleading, and acting as if this is causing him a lot of pain. Why isn't the protagonist questioning his actions at this point? Story issues cont.: "It was only until years later that I found traces of the syrum in drugs and cruel and unusual punishment deaths." Ignoring the fact that the organization could have killed the man on their own, how exactly id the protagonist come across this information on their own. Did he have a sample, how did he come across something to compare it to? There are other issues present in the story, but I think that's enough for now. The story really didn't meet our quality standards and since it was an older story, I deleted it under the reason of "Housekeeping". I hope that answers your question. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:21, October 6, 2016 (UTC)